


laconic

by loupettes



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:29:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27165253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loupettes/pseuds/loupettes
Summary: "He had no idea if she was thinking this through, if her tongue was being governed by executive thought as it tasted his, or if she too were being seized by something greater, something deeper and less quantifiable, something unexplainable and unbearably powerful."Ten x Rose, set afterAge of Steel. Angst.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	laconic

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue prompt: "Go to hell."

“Right, where to first?” he asked, springing from the jump seat as she entered the TARDIS.

She tugged at her ear uncomfortably. “Actually, I think I’m gonna spend a bit more time with Mum, clear out Mickey’s flat and, y’know. I think she needs the company.”

There was something about the way she spoke that told him she was paying extra attention to what she said and the way in which she said it. “Oh. Right, yes. Sure.” A pause; he was sure the air became considerably heavier during it. “How long are you thinking?”

“Oh, I dunno. Sorry.”

He nodded. “Right- yes. No, of course, that’s okay. Take as much time as you need.”

She smiled weakly in gratitude and turned back around to the door. Although he did need to pop this balloon of tension before she left because _goodness_ was it uncomfortable.

“Don’t leave me alone for _too_ long though, eh? You know what I get like when I’m left to my own devices.”

She froze, and he saw her shake her head. She turned on her heels to face him and he was horrified to see she was furious. “You know what, Doctor? Go to hell.”

He blinked. “I’m sorry?”

“You heard me.”

He raised his eyebrows in bewilderment. “Did you just tell me to “ _go to hell_ ”?”

She held his gaze, her face cold as stone. “Yep. I’m so _unbelievably_ pissed off with you. With all of this-“

“What in the _world_ are you on about? What have I done _now - ”_

“He was my _best_ friend, Doctor! And now he’s gone, because of _you_. And I can’t even _face_ you right now. So yes, I’m going to spend some time with mum. And no, I _don’t_ know when I’ll be coming back. I need some soddin’ _time_ , alright? Away from all this, away from _you_.”

“ _How_ is this _my_ fault?” He felt the agitation in his voice and, apparently, so did she, as her eyes widened when he spoke. “He’s a big boy, Rose, I’m sure he can make up his own mind!”

She scoffed. “You dangled me in front of him like I’m some sort of prize to be won! And you _did_ win, and you rubbed it in his face but the _best_ of it is you won _so much_ that you made him want to leave this fucking universe. So _congratulations_! He’s gone now and _you win_.”

He couldn’t think of a time when she'd been so immature; he rolled his eyes at the triviality, the bloody strings she was grasping at. “It’s quite easy to forget you’re only nineteen sometimes but in times like this you don’t half make it easier to remember.”

Her expression hardened and she took a firm step towards him, pointing at him in warning. “Don’t you _dare_. You _never_ make me feel like a child, so don’t do it now just because you know you’re wrong and you have nothing else to offer in your defence.”

“I _have_ nothing to defend myself _for_! He said it himself, there’s nothing left for him here, so he made his decision to leave; I had _nothing_ to do with that. Look, I’ll miss him too, but he-“

“You’re joking, right?”

His eyes narrowed. “What?”

“ _You’ll miss him too_? Now I _know_ you’re not the same man. You promised me nothing had changed. Remember that? When we watched over New New York that night, God, that really bloody wonderful _perfect_ night under the stars, you told me you hadn’t changed one bit. But you know what? So far, you’ve _really_ done a good job proving yourself wrong. Half the stuff you’ve done, the old you – the _real_ you – would’ve beaten your arse by now. So, what? You were all talk that night? Just tryin’ to keep me around, ‘till you knew you could find someone else?”

“Come on now, Rose, you are being _ridiculous_ and you know it- “

 _“Am I,_ though? Because that sure is how I feel. But sometimes I think this new you really isn’t so concerned about any of that, about how I feel! One of your old companions shows up and you show me _exactly_ how much we mean to you, that you just move on from one of us to the next - ”

“For heaven’s sake, I _said_ to you I wasn’t going to do that to you! That it’s different with you!”

“And I’m sure you said that to Sarah Jane, too, right before you dropped her off because you deemed something was unfit for her. You say it’s different with me? You've already _done_ it to me! Back on Satellite 5! So don’t tell me it’s different with me, and then a few days later have a fling with another blonde - “

He groaned and threw his arms helplessly up in the air, rolling his eyes in frustration. “Oh my God, _this again_?”

“Yes! Because it _matters_ , Doctor! Because she was like me, except much more accomplished and beautiful and smart and a bloody aristocrat at that! Philanthrope, adviser to the king, artist, courtesan, you name it! And it took you maybe 3 minutes to forget all about me and leave me behind once you’d met her. So don’t tell me that I’m different, that you “ _wouldn’t do that to me_ ” because you _did!”_

He rubbed his temples in an attempt to calm himself and he sighed. “What is this really about, Rose? Because I thought we were having a fight about Mickey, but apparently you’ve decided to pick a fight with me about something else.”

She waved her arms around her in despair. “It’s about how much you hurt me. _Every single day!”_ He could see that she was getting angry at herself now for feeling the sting of her tears surfacing. She scrunched her face and fought hard against them and continued. “And you just take me for granted, like you know I’m stuck to you like a leech and I’m not going anywhere. I feel so unimportant and that’s _heartbreaking,_ because 5 weeks ago on that cliff lookin’ over New New York you told me that you’d changed for _me_. And these days, I can’t find myself feeling grateful, because _you_ didn’t change for me, _he_ did. And then he _left_ me, and left me with this man who doesn’t care for me half as much and I’m just so angry, and I’m so hurt and I’m so - ”

“Please, Rose, _stop it_!” he pleaded. He didn’t know how they’d gotten so, but she was close enough for him to grab her arms in an attempt to still her and calm her down. Her tears had begun to fall, and she groaned in frustration, forcefully escaping his hold. She wiped impatiently at her eyes and he took a step closer.

“No!” she yelled, pushing her hand into his chest to keep him at a distance. “Don’t do that to me! Don’t try to get me to calm down because I’ve been _trying_ to keep calm for the past few weeks now and I’m so tired of it. Because _you_ , you just keep on going, like nothing happened, like you aren’t just punching my gut every god damn day and I’m so sick of you gettin’ away with it, me not sayin’ anything because I don’t want to fight. Because I’m so _tired_ \- ” she pushed his chest back once more but so much more defeatedly, so much more exhausted and resigned as she said she felt “ - so this is me, trying to stick up for myself-”

It was a new kind of agony to look at Rose Tyler crying in such a way and knowing he was the one who caused her distress. He reached out for her wrists and pulled at them gently to bring her in closer, but she resisted with all she had. Those tears and his _need_ to get rid them made him act entirely on impulse and he cupped her cheeks, desperately wiping away the tears away with his thumbs until he realised that it was merely a plaster, bandaging over the wounds that _he_ created and was only carving them more every day. She was still fighting for her words, but her sobs were silencing them. She felt unimportant, invalidated because of _him_. He began to plant chaste kisses on her cheeks, and she whimpered, her knees buckling under her weight and she clung to his arms whilst he made sure that no part of her face, no inch of skin was left untouched as he mapped all of it out. 

It was her who brought their lips together. Neither of them realised at first; they were too focused on the relief that the closeness was bringing them, the stifling of the pain in their chests. But when they materialised, when they understood what was happening, they both pulled back reluctantly and hesitated, holding their foreheads together in the calm before the storm. 

Because it was both of them who went back in for the second time, and this time they were eager. She tugged on his lapels so fiercely that his hands snapped to her face just to keep him on balance. It was terribly messy and chaotic; their noses were incompatible pieces of a jigsaw and their teeth clashed harshly against each other. But it didn’t stop either of them from trying so desperately to reach each other, to be as deep within the other as they both could be. He had no idea if she was thinking this through, if her tongue was being governed by executive thought as it tasted his, or if she too were being seized by something greater, something deeper and less quantifiable, something unexplainable and unbearably powerful. It felt like he couldn’t get enough of her, his moans of frustration assimilating deep in his throat as he tried so tirelessly to take more, to take _anything_ he could of her. Her hands clumsily undid the buttons of his jacket, sliding them up his chest to usher it to the floor before making a start on the buttons of his shirt. Her own moans, her cries of desperate hunger propelled him forward until her back slammed the coral behind her. She released his shirt, wrapping her arms around his neck as leverage to hoist herself up to his waist and into his grip, but she fell just short of his height and stumbled, before losing her balance entirely. She yelped out in pain as she twisted her ankle and collapsed, grasping at his tie - to either keep herself upright or bring him down with her he couldn’t tell - but within a matter of seconds, he heard her body smash excruciatingly loudly onto the metal grating of the floor, followed by his own groans of agony as he landed on top of her.

They both listened to the blend of their panting and wincing, the gentle hum of the TARDIS complimenting them in the background. After a few moments her panting hushed and, much to his horror, he heard her crying. He yanked himself to look at her, only to discover that she was in fact _laughing_. He didn’t have much time to try to consider exactly _why_ this girl, the girl who’d just told him to go to hell and sobbed about being unimportant, the girl who’d just so fiercely and hungrily kissed him with a need so strong he so urgently needed to satiate it, could be finding _anything_ funny right now, _especially_ considering the fact that he was petrified for the sounds of something potentially very important in her body breaking upon impact. But there was something about her laughter that was so infectious that he found himself laughing along with her. And so they continued, unable to stop until their breaths ran short and their laughter dissolved into soft giggles.

“Well, then.” She chuckled.

“Indeed.”

“Quite so.”

He rolled himself off her and sighed. “God, _why_ couldn’t you have been two inches taller?”

She laughed a laugh so wonderful that he was devastated to hear it once more fade, leaving a gleeful smile in its wake that he simply couldn’t let go unnoticed. He thinks this might be when she looks most beautiful; when the hues of the TARDIS console highlight her face and illuminate her skin. The casts of soft blue tones framing her structure and the golden glow enhancing those like-coloured eyes. He rolled off her, moaning in pain as he did, and she tilted her head so that she faced him. She chewed her bottom lip as her smile discoloured, and he had to fight back the urge to groan at the thought of _him_ biting down on it not moments ago. She was looking at him with such intensity and eyes so dark, but it wasn’t the same kind of hunger in her eyes as before. It was a plea to simply _understand_.

“I am, you know,” he started.

“What?”

“Sorry. I really am.”

Her eyes flickered and she turned her head back to look up. “I’m as much to blame as you.”

“No, this one’s all on me. You were right.” He sighed heavily. “Oh, I don’t know. Seems like all I know how to do these days is fuck up your life.”

“If it helps, I think you’re doing a great job so far.”

He flinched. “I deserved that.”

She sighed and turned fully onto her side to face him, wincing as she did; the combination of the terribly uncomfortable metal grating they were currently lying on uncushioned and some purple bruises presently blossoming under her skin he was sure. “ _That_ is gonna hurt tomorrow,” she muttered. “Doctor, you have _really_ been hurting me recently.”

He sighed sadly. “I know I have.”

“Then why’d you do it?”

“Honestly, Rose, I don’t know. It’s not like I go looking for ways to hurt you.” He saw her search for the truth in his eyes. For some reason, she was here, lying right next to him, and she was willing to listen. He owed it to her to at least _try_ and tell her what’s going on. He grimaced as he turned to his side to mirror her pose and he was _delighted_ at the sound of her chuckle. Once again, he inherited it, until their winces outnumbered their giggles.

“Duvet days for the two of us tomorrow?”

“I don’t know, I’m considering slipping into a regeneration coma for this one.”

She smiled; she gave him that much, but she was just too _tired_ to give him much else. Once more, she waited patiently for him to continue.

So he did. “You’re right, I’ve been pushing you away. I pulled you in close at the beginning because, like you said- like _I_ said- I’d just died for you and wanted nothing more than to give you the world. And _oh_ it was so easy with us, with you. It always is, but Rose, _this_ me right here, I regenerated _for_ you out of a need to save you, so I tried to become somebody for _you_ , someone that you could trust and have the best of times with. And I’m failing you. And I am so, _so_ sorry for that.”

She paused before a smile began to creep up her face. “So what you’re telling me is you literally _belong_ to me?”

“Did I say that?”

“You’re saying you’re _mine_ -”

“Seems like a bit of a leap -”

“My very own time lord -”

“You know, if I weren’t so physically broken right now, I would leave you to your little illusions whilst I did something useful.”

She scoffed. “That’d be a first.”

He looked at her scornfully, and she looked back at him playfully. “I have _no idea,_ Rose. No idea why I’ve been pushing you away, but I have, and that’s my fault. I guess I must have imprinted on your humanity a bit in that way; scared of losing something so important that you make the first step to protect yourself from getting hurt at all costs.”

She looked at him so deeply he wondered if she could actually see his darkest terrors with him, and he half expected her to pull back in abhorrence. But instead, she shuffled awkwardly towards him, keeping an eye on him as she tried to move closer; wordlessly asking for permission. If he were any bit less close to crumbling entirely then he might have been able to pull away; he was so undeserving of the forgiveness and her comfort that she was offering to him so willingly. But just a few more nudges, a few more scuffles and she was _there_. It seemed like the closer she got, the more his hearts clenched. His eyes searched hers; so kind and magnanimous and he only dreaded to think what she saw when she looked at his. But she nudged her chin forward to bring her lips to his once more in a kiss so soft he wondered if it had even happened.

For some reason, one he couldn’t understand and most probably never will, she’d decided to entrust him with her heart. Quite silly of her really; there existed _plenty_ enough evidence to suggest to her that that was a terrible idea. But he’d tried, so relentlessly, to show her how much of a terrible idea it truly was, and she still wasn’t taking it. It was dreadfully unfair of him to grant her of her request. So it was him who deepened the kiss, promising her that he’ll look after it as best he can. She whimpered sadly in response and rolled onto her back, tugging him by the collar to lean over her more comfortably. When he finally did pull away, if nothing else than to give her a chance to breathe, he nudged her nose gently and they both sighed.

“You and me,” she said simply. “Just, _promise_ me we can be you and me again, from now on?”

He wanted to be anything she wanted them to be; friends, companions, lovers. But for the moment, all she was asking was for them to just be _them_. He kissed the tip of her nose and smiled.

“I think that’s manageable."


End file.
